is that so difficult?

I only want to be appreciated
I only want to be heard
is that so difficult?

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a dream is but a dream

hello world, it's me, going to work on a Monday morning in a crowded and gray train. The combination for me is blue top gray skirt and black heels today, a total mismatch. I'm as blue as I could ever get. No, it's not that I had a bad weekend, in fact it had been great, a very lovely lunch on Saturday and another superb catch-up on Sunday. No it wasn't that, it was all but a dream....

I'm in Taiwan, I was walking around a night market, I saw some nice looking snacks and was trying around thinking of buying them. The taste was great too, so I asked for the price. The lady said to me 1000, and I converted them by a JPY exchange rate giving me $10 over dollars for three pieces of honey sweet. After some negotiating I decided not too buy, that's too crazy a price. The real life me would have counted the three sweets as costing $40 instead.

I was in a Taiwan locomotive, that was a bus perhaps. I had a company, and we were both looking out of the window. As the bus passes uphill we saw a fireman on a window still, holding on to a mother and child who's dangling outside a third floor window. We were all screaming for them to stay calm and not do a silly act. In the midst of the watching, screaming and pointing, I somehow managed to take out my phone and snapped some pictures. I remember I was in square photo mode, and I reminded myself again not to keep it in square mode. As the bus made the turn around the back of the building, the mother let go of herself/loosen grip and fell with her child. I was snapping away. Amazingly the mother child were unharmed. They quickly stood up and scamper away. I said to myself I'll quickly upload this to the news agency, not sure what for.

I was roaming around the school, not sure alone or with company. Someone walked up to me with a letter. It says my long time friend has always loved me. I hugged my friend and cried so hard at the point that I woke myself up. Then I found that I had been dreaming, and my face was entirely dry. Soon after I fell asleep in the warm room, but the feeling of emptiness welled up and I'm tearing as I type this. Time and again Monday's have been blue to me, but that was dreading work or knowing the boss would be back from a long trip and may be grouchy. Today, I just want to wind down at a corner and cry my heart out.

...

On my way to work I got reminded of a dream I had in my school days. I was in a very dark room walking up a flight of stairs protruding from the wall and without any railing. I receive a very warm and comforting hug from the back. In my dream I never knew who it was. When I woke up then I had no one to give me this hug. And at this moment I would love a nice tight wrap around and a pat on my back.

I'm not sure how I can last even this morning...

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