lying in bed now, i once again can blog in near-hibernation mode :)
today was a tiring day. i had been a happy bird for the past few days, though somehow happiness often has to be accompanied certain sadness.. i was happy about the entire experience; having had seen the lovely rounded globe of sea, the breeze of a mini harbour, rode through the windy roads that remind me of the terrible roads leading up to the beautiful mountain 梅骊雪山, the painted scenes of mountains and plantations, different types of religious temples, nice parks, and etc etc. of coz not forgetting the wonderful company, the funny games i've learnt, drinking sessions, plus some sharings here and there. i appreciate the accomodation to me, and i really do not take it for granted. nevertheless, i know (better) that i should make the accmodation. anyway, here I am, safe.. so :)
I've learnt quite abit about the outside world. maybe like what I had been told, I'm too naive; I can easily believe what I am told often when I shldnt, but do not believe when I hear the truth. what is real? one moment I can know a person as such, but just within a short period. poof. what a change.
this sem had been a rather monotous sem for me. yes, dull. there has been the up times, the confused and lost times, and the downright shattered times. i did feel it, no matter how split a second it might take to cause it. i was told, to let them go, to forget. but i'm not a super human like my adviser, who can erase memories as please. woah, no, i am not a forgetful character when it comes to this. sadly maybe, my brain is probably used for smaller issues unlike a super human who uses for more impt things. but, true, what can I do? I've alrd unknowingly stepped on their tails, somehow without me knowing for sure, yes i did. maybe the sounds of laughters had alrd long gone, juz tt it had not been that apparent. masks. i hate masks. if u know u dont like a person, why dont u write that on ur face. why bother to hide. why? why am I bothered by this when I am not even confronted of it in the first place. no, i'm not impt for them to talk things out. why what happened? if you wannna pretend that nothing has happened and nothing bothers you, why do u wanna show that tint of it to me? why am i StilL bothered, even though i was told to let them go. why does it aches me..?
so, does it mean that if one doesnt feel an ache upon meeting some unwanted occurance, the knot is released? but if the knot is truly released, there will be embrancement, and not pretence of transparency. with my barang barang, i hopped on the 179 - safely - to go school. but i wasnt feeling well, thus skipped lunch, and headed for an apple pie. as i left, my eyes were for the path ahead. but yes, i had long noticed, but i ignored. so what if i had done the oppo. nah, i've long learnt, the past is the past. and with that, there seems nothing much to do beyond it. i maybe naive, but i believe i am rather sharp. nah, maybe thats not good, maybe i should try being blunt, and a super woman too.
learn.
i am learning.
No comments:
Post a Comment