It's 1:20am now. My eyes are sore from dryness and itch, but I still can't sleep.
A lot of things are going on in my mind.
What really matters?
Having a partner that cares, a loving family, great friends around you, passion in your job/career.
What happens if I have a partner that shows TLC when we meet up, but seems so cold over the SMS? And no matter how much I say, there is no change. Yes, that is my boyfriend. And given my character, I am having problem accepting it.
He knew I was upset, but he doesn't know or ask why. Simple, I don't like to be ignored. The types of msges that he respond to last time can go unacknowledged now. That he will occasionally pick me home at times when I was with my friends, or pop by for a visit when he's near me after a night out, doesn't happen now. That I always seem to need to ask for some stuff I thought was basic. Like to address me something sweet, call me at times like couples do... Skype is also reduced to voice because you didn't see the need to set up webcam even though I requested you at least once.
I'm tired. I don't know what I want.
I've been thinking so much in the recent month that I'm worried I'll go into depression. Happiness only stays for some whiles.
I try not to jump into conclusion when I'm being ignored, but when the time lengthens, and the next msg comes in just as cold, I'll get upset. That you know what matters to me yet I get the same kind of reaction. And to wonder why such cold msges for the whole day. And when we meet, I unwillingly still felt unhappy, and showed it all over me. I don't like it myself.
I thought before, did we even have a honeymoon sweet period? Then, I felt no. But now that I'm constantly upset, I felt somehow yes.
I don't want you to stop your interest, BFP, etc. I want to help you in life and career. But I need your support too, not only to show care for me when you are around alone with me, but also learn to extend beyond.
Maybe my life is too boring for you to find out more about. Sadly, I always like to think negatives. When you ask me things, like about my day, or when I share with you, it seemed like the conversation cannot be carried through, short replies from you, and you are not interested in more.
Let's work with the day to day issues first, if you are willing to help me with the above. Don't give me promises, or dreams to think of, not even if you belief that it will happen by saying it. Don't say for the sake of saying. Because you may take just a few weeks to forget something or someone, but I'll take a lifetime to...
It's past 2am now. I don't blog fast. And my heart is still racing now from unsettledness. I doubt I'll sleep anytime soon. So much for your 'good night' msg of hair 'dry alrd? can slp?'..
