The Tenth Tuesday We Talk About Marriage

By: moOo on Tuesday, May 27, 2008 8:30 AM

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Marriage. Almost everyone I knew had a problem with it. Some had problems getting into it, some had problems getting out. My generation seemed to struggle with the commitment, as if it were an alligator from some murky swamp.

Why do we have such problems? Having waited seven years before I proposed to Janine, I wondered if people my age were being more careful of those who came before us, or simply more selfish?

"Well, I feel sorry for your generation," Morrie said. "In this culture, it's so important to find a loving relationship with someone because so much of the culture does not give you that. But the poor kids today, either they're too selfish to take part in a real loving realtionship, or they rush into marriage and then six months later, they get divorced. THey don't know what they want in a partner. They don't know who
they are themselves - so how can they know who they're marrying?"

"It's sad, because a loved one is so important. You realize that, especially when you're in a time like I am, when you're not foing so well. Friends are great, but friends are not going to be here on a night when you're coughing and can't sleep and someone has to sit up all night with you, comfort you, try to be helpful."

"I've learned this much about marriage," he said now. "You get tested. You find out who you are, who the other person is, and how you accommodate or don't."

Is there some kind of rule to know if a marriage is going to work?

"Things are not that simple, Mitch."

I know.

"Still," he said, "There are a few rules I want to be true about love and marriage: If you don't respect the other person, you're gonna have a lot of trouble. If you don't know how to compromise, you're gonna have a lot of trouble. If you can't talk openly about what goes on between you, you're gonna have a lot of trouble. And if you don't have a common set of values in life, you're gonna have a lot of trouble. Your values must be alike."

"And the biggest one of those values, Mitch?"

Yes?

"Your belief in the importance of your marriage."

He sniffed, then closed his eyes for a moment.

"Personally," he sighed, his eyes still closed, "I think marriage is a very important thing to do, and you're missing a hell lot if you don't try it."

He ended the subject by quoting the poem he believed in like a prayer: "Love each other or perish."