its time to review year 2010 and resolute for 2011 as the year strays to a close.
Review
The first quarter of this year had been a happy period for me. work had been still very much well going, and my trips to langkawi and perhentian was mixed with two opposing and unforgettable experience to me.. Second quarter was when the hole started to make its presence, but at least there were still patches of entertainment to fill it. as for the third quarter, i could only remember closing the door on a counterpart, and my taiwan trip with pear. sometimes i wonder, is my life too exciting, or is it actually rather still, and only seems colourful due to the roller coaster rides it had been through. eventually, the roller coaster ride will slow, and the adreline rush will die down. eventually, you will need to find a place to rest your tired self. The last quarter had been a different quarter. it may not have been obvious, but i had taken the liberty to allow myself a larger comfort zone, to take time and try accepting new ideas. but i still fail to be more open, to be more truthful to myself and others. i believe i have failed in my single resolution of year 2010.
Resolve
frankly it really doesnt feel to me that it is already year end despite i'm already down to typing the second paragraph of the closing post for year 2010. it seemed like the year has passed too fast. now here, i would like to share a few things i would like to achieve for the year 2011.
work - i have totally lost myself in it. there is no longer any form of happiness, and every day is really a pain to me. to me there are only two forms of energy that keeps you going at work, satisfaction and peers. the former is non-existent, and the latter is countable. times had passed when i come home from work wanting to explode, i no longer feel as disturbed when having my quiet lunch.. i guess i had reached the rock bottom; i had become stagnant, and that isn't good. but today had been different. today, i finally see hope in rekindling some form connectivity. similar to the plant, Hyacinth, that i kept in office earlier this year, I see the chance of regrowth after the withered parts are chopped off. so i need more chopping efforts for the coming year..
health - i dont feel good. my body my skin is giving me many negatives. i am sad. what can i do? i guess its the stress at work, coupled with how unhealthy i have been seated in office almost for the whole day. it had improved when i was abroad, when i was in the ocean, when i frequent the beaches.. it improved, when i had less stress. so i need to drink more water, i need to dip myself in salt water, and i need to run starting with the frequency of once a month. i probably should buy some facial products too; its time i start taking care of my face.. not pretty le.. how bout an investment of $100/mth? sounds achievable huh?
family - this will be a short segment. i agree, that i am short tempered especially at home, and despite all the thousand and one reasons that are flowing through my head now, there isnt much concrete enough to lay out for dispute. it's my turn now to be more accomodating. will swallowing helps?
friends - i see the importance to keep my pool of friends around me, as i believe that friends stray over time despite how well you assume your friendship to be. i believe that the basis of retaining and growing a relationship, be it friendship or beyond, is to let the other party know and feel that you are always around for him/her/them. hence i have been constantly taking the initiative to meet individual friends, to catch up and to reminisce. but i feel i haven been doing enough. i want year 2011 to start with a boom; i have already organized 3 get-togethers on the first week of the new year =)
love - i am the porcupine. i build pricks and bricks around me with double and triple layer around me thinking to protect myself. but i am still always susceptible to that one single injury that can come through the underside or any other vulnerable area. i still fail to be strong in a relationship despite the veil i may wear. probably the more protection the animal gives to itself, the more hurt it may induce in doing so. i've been trying, but openess is not something that i can paint myself to be. and the art of it seemed to have shrunk over the years of negative experiences from being too open and accepting. i heard a joke from a friend earlier today, who described me as 女人当自强.. my answer was simple.. 再坚强的人也有脆弱的一面，只是有多容易察觉罢了.. i know what i should aim for. so shower me, with TLC.. teach me, to be more patient and accomodating.. love me, for who i am, and be loved.
personal development - i aim to digest 1 book a mth, regardless of what book. that means going library once a mth. that means seating down to read instead of being in front of facebook so very often. it means more discipline. it means more help needed. that aside, i have always wanted to take up some courses... do i have time?
me!self - i understand that the things i speak about are sometimes in a muddle state. and i was told that the instructions i give are not clear at times. and my memory is deproving; i havent been working them on the things i should, rather, it had probably been storing junk information that could better do without staying in its ROM position. i need an eraser, i need an ear, i need...
Rekindle
...i need to find my passion in life.. i need to find the lamp to light the way..
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