The following article is written by Deborah Tan, Editor of Cleo (Singapore) - February 2010
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It's the season of romance and you and your man are probably thinking of taking your relationship to the next level. You are excited but at the same time, you can't help wondering if he's your Mr. Right. Wait a sec ... who is Mr. Right? Actually, what is Mr. Right? Is he a man who fits perfectly into a long, long list? Is he a man who leaves you completely satisfied and does not make you wonder about another man ever again? Chances are, Mr. Right is like Santa Claus - he's supposed to be real, has lots of people pretending to be him and, he only gives and never expects to receive.
Think about it: of the many men you've dated, how many of them actually fit into the mould you created for your Mr. Right? It's extremely probable that all of us tend to find ourselves attracted to a certain type but end up dating/bedding/marrying someone totally "off". No, it doesn't mean we girls don't know what we want. It's human nature and women are just more guilty of it than men.
The first reason why a lot of us would go out with Mr. Not-Quite-Right is that women have a compulsive need to change things. Example: Jack is nice, Jack is smart, Jack loves jazz BUT Jack needs to pick up golf. Jack needs to learn French and Jack needs to also become the 56 other things I have on my list. We find ourselves attracted to a lesser version of Mr. Right because we believe we can tweak the man and make him perfect for ourselves.
The second reason why some of us end up with Mr. So-Not-Right is because we are wired from a young age to love a man who gives us nothing but grief, pain and sorrow. We have been taught, by countless Meg Ryan-flicks, that true love is tortured, painful and all-consuming. If we accepted a flawed man, it'd mean we are not shallow, it'd mean we are good people, it'd mean we are heroines in our own little rom-coms. We're a deluded bunch, aren't we?
But does this mean all of us are destined for a life of absolute unhappiness? No, because a good percentage of the female species recognizes that there is such a man called Mr. He's-Not-So-Right-But-He's-Alright. Yes, we may have a list. Yes, we may have gotten into relationships with men who are close cousins of pond scum, but at the end of the day, we can choose to spend our lives with someone whom we can live with and who genuinely wants to make us happy. There's nothing wrong with settling for someone who's not Mr. Right, you just have to be sure he'll be Mr. Right-There-When-I-Need-Him.
It is scientifically proven that attraction and lust are temporal and they fizzle out 24 months into a relationship. So even if you were lucky enough to snag the hunky, 1.8m-tall Hugh-Jackman-lookalike, your groin will stop aching with lust after some time. Which means both of you will need to start working earnestly at making love work on a level that goes beyond the physical. What do you have to keep you going then? Great conversations, a shared value system, mutual respect and a common goal that you both can work towards to. Of course, it won't hurt if you can still keep the bedroom action going.
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